Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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