If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
