Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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