This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
