were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
