"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
