I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
