Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
