she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
