First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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