I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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