Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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