He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
