I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
