Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
