Your dad touched me again.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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