Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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