So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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