Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
