dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
