The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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