So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
