Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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