Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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