Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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