Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
