guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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