Apparently you make a good broom.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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