I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
