guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
