Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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