i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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