The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
