by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
