remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
