I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
