go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
