Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
