i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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