A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
