somebody snuck up and got me drunk
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
