did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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