Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
