Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's blow job season.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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