look no pants
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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