if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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