you guys were way drunker than both of me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
