Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
