I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
