i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
