She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
