I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
