Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
